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Little Injuns
A conversation between two cowboys looking over an American Indian reservation.
Cowboy 1 There are a lot of injuns down on that reservation. Cowboy 2 Yup, partner. Cowboy 1 I wonder what type of injuns they are. Cowboy 2 Well partner. There is a lot of different injuns down there. You point one out and I’ll tell you what kind they are. Cowboy 1 Okay partner. How about that one putting up the wigwam ? Cowboy 2 That’s an Apache. Cowboy 1 And that one, the one weaving that hair ? Cowboy 2 That ones a Sioux. Cowboy 1 And what about that one running through the camp with a pail of water, going ‘Nee Nah, Nee Nah!’ ? Cowboy 2 Ah! That’s just a Fire Injun !!! -
More Than One
This was originally written way back in 1998.
9 years before my son was born; but his name happened to be the first name I picked for this skit.
The other character was called John, but as Adam has a friend called Jake, I changed it to that.I seriously hope this skit is something they will never act out, or anything similar. But some days I do wonder….
Adam Nope, that wont work either. Jake What wont work? Adam This. I’m trying to use a fork this time. Jake No luck? Adam Nope, it wont work with the fork. I’m sure you were wrong. Jake Try using something else, there must be another way to do it. Adam Are you sure? I think using the knife was the only way. Jake Of course you can, there must be more than one way. Adam I dunno, I’m sure that was the only way. Jake Here, try this knife instead. Adam No. I think that would still be the same way. It has to be done a different way. Not just with a different size knife. Jake Well, you would really need something sharp. These other kitchen utensils just wont do. Adam Yeah, I tried the fish slice first. Jake Any luck? Adam No luck at all. Jake Well as I said there is more than one way. Adam Hmmm….. I wonder if boiling it, and then peeling it off will work. Jake It has to be worth a try. I’ll go and get a saucepan, you get another one of them. Adam That’s going to take some time. I’ll see if I can find another method to be getting on with. Jake Shall I put it in before the water boils or after? Adam Hmmm …. put two on we can try it both ways. Jake Okay, good idea. I hope this works. Adam Yes. This is a lot of work just to check if a saying is true. Jake I am sure it is. A little time passes. Adam Well the water has boiled. I’ll put the other one in. Jake Okay, I can’t wait to see the results. Adam Me neither. A little more time passes. Jake It looks like they’re done. Adam Okay. You take one and I’ll do the other. Jake Coo, it’s peeling off really easily. Adam Yes, this one too. Jake Well it is true then. There really is more than one way to skin a cat. -
A Forest Walk
Aggie and Bettie are two old friends that have some less than usual conversations. This one was while they were walking in a forest and passed a fallen tree.
Aggie Ooooo Look! That tree’s gone and fallen over. Bettie Oh dear! Are you sure it fell over? Aggie Of course it did, it wouldn’t just appear there. Bettie How do you know? You know what the say. Aggie What? That trees don’t fall over they just appear there. That’s silly, I seen a tree fall over when I was a little girl. Bettie I see one fall just last week. Big thing it was, came crashing to the ground and knocked a little tree over too. Aggie The tree I saw when I was a little girl was enormous and thundered to the ground taking two other trees with it. Big trees they were too. Bettie Coo, what a sight. I bet it hurt your ears all that noise. Aggie Oh yes. So noisy it made my ears bleed. You don’t get trees crashing to the ground like that nowadays. Bettie No, much quieter trees nowadays. Aggie So what do they say? Bettie Eh? Aggie What do they say about the trees? Bettie Oh that. You know. ‘If a tree falls and no one hears it, does it make a sound?’ Aggie Do they? What a silly thing to say. Trees are always noisy when they fall. Bettie But what if it didn’t fall? Aggie Eh? It did fall you just said it did. Bettie No I never. Aggie You did. You said it fell without making a sound ‘coz no one heard it. Bettie But if it fell without making a sound., did it fall? Aggie It did fall. It can’t get on the ground otherwise. Bettie But you said all trees make a noise when they fall. So if it didn’t make a noise it couldn’t have fallen. Aggie Cooo! I think you’re right. Do you know there could be trees all over the place that we don’t hear that are standing up one day and laying on the ground the next. Bettie It makes you think doesn’t it? Aggie Does it? I suppose it does. Bettie Oh yes, it definitely makes you think. Think about all those lumberjacks. Aggie Ooooo! All those muscley lumberjacks with their big choppers. Bettie Oh yes! Can’t forget their big choppers. Aggie I wouldn’t mind a lumberjack at home. With his muscles and big chopper. Bettie Alfie wouldn’t like it though. Aggie No, poor Alfie. He wouldn’t like it at all. Anyway why are we thinking about them? Bettie Thinking about who? Aggie The lumberjacks. Bettie Oh them! Oh yes! Well all that hard work they do, there’s no need for it. Aggie There isn’t? Bettie Oooh no! They should all leave the woods and wait for the trees to appear on the ground, save all the chopping. Aggie Ooooo yes! So it would. Be a lot easier. They can get on with their singing then. Bettie Singing, do they sing then? Aggie Oooo yes! Haven’t you seen them on the telly? Singing about chopping down trees and dressing up. Bettie They’ll just have to sing about waiting for trees now. Aggie And dressing up. Bettie Ooooo yes! Can’t forget the dressing up. What do they dress up in? Aggie I wouldn’t know. Silly people they are. Bettie Yes, yes, that is true. Aggie Oh look! Another tree. Bettie I wonder if that one fell. Aggie I bet it made a lot of noise if it did. Bettie Yes, big crashing noises like thunder. Aggie Oh yes! I’ve always liked the noise of thunder. Bettie Yes, and the crackle of lightning. Aggie Lightning doesn’t make a noise. If it did I’m sure it would be a whizz not a crackle. Bettie It sort of gives a crackley feeling. You know, all that natural electricity. Aggie Coo yes, the electricity. Especially the blue ones. Bettie Yes much nicer than the white lightning. Aggie Yes. Alfie likes the blue electricity too. Bettie No dear, I think its Electric Blue that Alfie likes. Aggie Oh yes. Though he does get breathless after watching it for a few minutes. Bettie Well the lightning always does that to me. Aggie Ooooooooo look! Another tree. Bettie Oooooooo yes! There’s something sitting on it. Can’t quite make it out. Aggie It’s quite small and has a fuzzy face. Bettie Oooooh! Is there a helicopter near by? Aggie A Helicopter? Bettie Yes, if there is it’s probably Noel Edmonds. Aggie No, it has a bushy tail though. Bettie Oh. Then it’s a squirrel. That’s how you tell the difference between them. Aggie I see. So Noel has a helicopter and squirrels have bushy tails. Bettie That’s right. Aggie Well let’s go and get a nice cup of tea. Bettie Oooo! That’s a good idea. We can have a mindless natter over it. We get so little time for mindless natters nowadays. Aggie Yes. Got all this philosophical thinking to do about trees. Bettie And Noel Edmonds. Aggie Oh yes! Can’t forget Noel Edmonds. -
Time Travel
Time travel is an easy and natural process. It is something we do every moment of our lives and for the remaining of our existence afterwards too.
Time moves constantly forwards and we move along with it. To time we are always standing still, just in different positions.
Before we look at how we may be able to time travel through time we will look at our world as made up of four planes. The first three planes are X, Y and Z. The fourth plane is time. Understanding the first three is simple. X, the directional plane of east-west. Y, the directional plane of north-south. Z, the directional plane of up-down (or altitude). We can easily mark ourselves at a point on these three planes. We can also mark ourselves at a point in time, at the moment I am at point 3rd August 1998, 16 hours, 13 minutes and 36 seconds. But just as I am writing this my point in time has changed, though my point in the other three planes has stayed the same.
Time measurement is then a bit more difficult, we are not really measuring where we are in time but how much time has passed or will pass, to a certain event. In effect we are always at point zero in time, thus we are not travelling in time at all, just to completely contradict what I said at the beginning.
So how can we move through time?
Travelling through one of the other planes is easy enough. You just need to walk, dig, climb or use some means of transport. But time is not that easy. What we need to do is the same with the other planes. First we need to learn how. How do you move in the fourth plane? Now it does not take most of us long to learn to walk in the first and second planes. And we can move a little in the third without any aides, try jumping or falling!So why is it so difficult for us to move in the fourth? Should I be thinking of it as movement?
Moving forward in time is going to be easier than moving back. This plays with reality and it getting messed up far less.