The curious creatures came about, or at least I was introduced to them, after various conversations on IRC (Internet Relay Chat) and through one of the news groups I was participating in at the time. The first curious creature to be known by the wider world was the invisible turtles. I have kept this page through various versions of the site really to remind myself where this all started… Unfortunately over time the dates of when this all happened have disappeared, I’m guessing about 1999/2000, so I have dated the page for the end of 1999 though the conversation was over some days/weeks and compiled at a different time.
A thread was started on the comp.sys.atari.st newsgroup. I have compiled the thread into an easier to read conversation.
Special thanks go to the following people who contributed to the discussion; Guy Harrison, Rich Tietjens, John Price & Tony Greenwood.
Thanks should also go to Dan Ackerman & Paul Womar for coming up with some of the titles and acronyms I used.
| Ade | Hi Atari Peoples 🙂 I have some bad news, a new virus has been found, and it could easily be affecting your computer! The virus is known as BTV, or Baby Turtle Virus.This virus doesn’t seem to be very dangerous but can easily make a mess of things and COULD in the wrong situation cause serious damage! At this time there is no known way of wiping out this virus, many suggested methods have been very difficult to carry out! (For more info on suggested methods email me!) If you have any extra info on this virus please post here so we can all share and maybe wipe out this dreadful thing! Ooops nearly forgot to tell you the symptoms so you know what to look for and will know if you have the virus or not! Symptoms :- Extra letters appear or letters disappear in texts or typed commands, I have also noticed it occurring while I have been using IRC! |
| Guy | This is symptomatic, more typically BTV occurs whilst in a somnambulistic state. |
| Ade | It seems to happen more late at night so I think maybe there is something that triggers it to work at night! |
| Guy | Certain compounds can be a significant factor such as potatoes, hops and anything else which may be fermented and subsequently ingested. BTV is programmed to be mostly inactive until these conditions are met, at which time, it triggers and performs all manner of inexplicable activities. |
| Ade | Please let me know if you have any information! This is really getting to me now, and others. |
| Guy | I’m afraid you really are quite badly affected. I’m sure you are by now aware the initial symptoms are thuds in the night. The next stage is tripping over objects which are patently not there. It is some weeks before reproduction occurs and the effects you describe become pronounced. You will consider yourself unfortunate indeed, to discover that the later stages of the affliction are completely unknown. |
| Ade | Thanks Guy, didn’t realize it was this bad 🙁 Anyway there is a programme around to help out here, it’s called Asymmetrical String Sequencer, or ASS for short which tries to help out with the problem, (written by someone called Dex), DO NOT use v0.1 as this is no help to you look, for version v0.2.version 1 called ASS_v01.lzh, version 2 called BIGASS02.lzh. Okay more info soon (I promise). |
| Rich | Righty-O, can I have some of that stuff, I’m not seeing anything unusual at all right now. |
| Ade | On, On , I’m not on anything! BTW ASS has been found not to work so some new software is now available. The new software : Analytical Re-sequencing String Enhancer, is now available, easy to register, you get your own version. So stick your ARSE in the disc drive and load up, if any one wants toborrow your copy of the software tell them, “To get their own copy instead of using your ARSE”. More info about the Virus itself to be released tomorrow! |
| John | Ade, I’m surprised you’re recommending this, when it’s widely known to suffer from pre-emptive immunisation of the last enhanced string. |
| Ade | Thanks John, forgot about that, for those who still need help you’ll need to run the following prog too. Backwards Re-sequencing Enhancer And String Tester. This programme will take a lot of getting used to. Use a test string to see if it’s ok, you will need to have a good grope around BREAST for the best effects.(The info I promised will now be here tomorrow….) |
| John | A good front-end for BREAST is the Intelligent Pre Processor for Literal Extensions. I can hardly wait to get my teeth into the new version. |
| Ade | Thanks John I think the New IPPLE Software, (from now on known as NIPPLES) is a great front end for BREAST. I’ll definitely be getting my teeth into NIPPLES 🙂 (Nearly forgot the Virus Info) (It’s got something to do with Adult Turtles.) (More information tomorrow.) |
| John | Ade, I normally make a charge for my services as a straight man, so you’re doing well out of me so far. As for the further info on that virus – well, it’s always “tomorrow” with you isn’t it! When it comes out, I expect you’ll post it to a new thread called “Software protection against malicious subversion”. |
| Ade | Wouldn’t I have to post this to lot’s of groups? (Any knights of the round table may find the above thread of interest, so maybe not such a bad idea….) |
| Ade | Hello again people. You may of been wondering why the information on the Baby Turtle Virus still isn’t here! |
| Tony | Not really? you already told us it will be here “tomorrow” |
| Ade | Well it still could be, look out for excerpts from the book in the future! |
| Guy | Subjective argument at GMT 23:59.59? |
| Ade | Well due to copyright reasons and the such I can not give you the information, but for all those still interested the information and many other fascinating facts can all be found in the book, ‘The Invisible Turtles’ (I suppose TIT for short) the author is around here sometimes so I don’t want to offend him, and I thought it would be a good chance for everyone to buy the book. |
| Guy | The book, is, quite unfortunately, as transparent as the turtles, but if anyone wants to give me an advance then I will consider putting pen to paper in the hope that these infamous little beasties can be shown for what they truly are [more on that in the book]. |
| Ade | (This wasn’t a publicity stunt or anything honest) |
| Guy | I can whole heartily vouch for the poster’s dishonesty. 🙂 |
| Ade | P.S. (Pinch of Salt) which is what any of the above and any of the previous articles should be taken with…. Please note though I don’t believe any of this salt will kill the Turtles unless the Author can tell me differently! |
| Tony | HAAA! your bottle was going Ade, only a wimp would feel the need to explain that its a little iffy :), just couldn’t keep it up could you, hahaha. |
| Guy | They got you as well. Everybody except yourself knows you meant to type “jiffy” but one of the little buggers (BT’s) got under the “j”. Salt, or S.A.L.T (Satire And Lumbago in Turtles) is a vicious rumour spread by members of the similarly named treaty which came to nothing, where said members attempted to pass legislation on the maximum length of limbs attached to the upper torso. |
| Ade | (It might be in the book so don’t forget to buy it!) The Invisible Turtles price £29.95 probably not available from any good book shops. |
| Guy | Unless I get an advance! |
| Tony | AT LAST!!!!!!! All the get rich schemes I have come across, and there have been more of them than perverts?? thousands of get rich posting (no offence there Rich) and finally I see one that doesn’t have a dollar sign in front of it, is this a first ?, the whole world uses the internet, but only one country posts these get rich things….then came Ade 🙂 |
| Guy | and Swampy … :-)) |
| Tony | Actually 29.95 isn’t that bad? |
| Guy | Except when your calculator gives that as the answer for PI. |
| Ade | /me wonders how many other people will be happy with a get rich scheme! So Don’t forget available now for £29.95 …Or it could be serialised in one of those really up market newspapers! (Then again maybe not!) |
| Ade | HELP!, They’re coming to get me. I can’t take it anymore, They’re everywhere. HELP! Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh……….. |
| Guy | You have been infected by mumbling frogs. These creatures talk to their victim whilst asleep, making subliminal suggestions. After a period of time, the victim becomes convinced that the invisible turtles are out to get him. This is a very subtle ploy, for in fact they _are_ out to get him, except that having publicly displayed an apparent psychosis, the victim is no longer believed at all, leaving the invisible turtles free to complete their hideous work. |
| Ade | Hi again to all interested in the BTV and I.T.’s This may of be of interest to some of you. Due to the increasing rise of I.T’s and BTV a course on how to deal with these problems is now available. The type of course is Special High Intensity Training, so all information can be gained in the shortest amount of time. A special introductory price of £125.00 for the full course will be charged on the return of your application at the beginning of the course. |
| Guy | I’ll sign up! 🙂 [kitchener – pointy hand etc] |
| Ade | Please note this isn’t another cheap way to make money out of you it’s one of those things that we think is beneficial to you all. (The mumbling frogs will remind you of this once they’ve read this message!) |
| Guy | There is an ancient ritual performed by the Darwinian’s Against Ritual Lemming Exterminations & Kleptomania. It consists of going out on the town for the night, not losing your plunger, finding a doctor and removing his life force. To date the group have still not succeeded. |
| Ade | The application form for the course will be posted tomorrow. Also course tutors, but you can probably guess already who’s trying to make money out of you! ooops! I mean helping you in your moment of need! |
| Guy | You forgot to mention that everyone gets a free Personal Organic Recyclable Natural Map of Acorn Growth. Dr Swampy 🙂 |
| Ade | I noticed they’re drinking my goldfishes water now! and they keep moving my things! BTW, I don’t believe in mumbling frogs, they told me not to! |
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