Pickled Squirrels

Pickled Squirrels

The elusive Pickled Squirrel! It seems to have quite a unique lifestyle.

The Pickled Squirrel’s existence primarily benefits off-licences, ensuring their continued business. Quite the unconventional symbiosis!


Identification
Larger than the typical red and grey squirrels. Light brown colouring. Often seen clutching a can of cider in its paws.

Habits
Enjoys drinking cider (perhaps a bit too much).
Has a penchant for throwing empty cans and acorns at unsuspecting passers-by. A true troublemaker!

Voice
High-pitched, squeaky voice. Speech is often slurred, accompanied by frequent “hics.” Sounds like a squirrel who’s had one too many ciders!

Habitat
Resides inside a tree conveniently located near an off-licence.
Generations of Pickled Squirrels happily cohabitate in the same tree, too lazy to move out unless they find a better off-licence and a nearby tree.

Diet
Survives on a diet of acorns and cider.

Breeding
Most Pickled Squirrels don’t remember ever breeding (perhaps due to their cider-induced haze).
Result: many fatherless young Pickled Squirrels – a mystery of squirrel lineage.

Movements and Migrations
The Pickled Squirrel relocates only if its local off-licence shuts down or a better, cheaper one opens up. Priorities, right?

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Aumhur avatar

This site is not dead and contains no pizza.

It does contain various stories, skits and other random stuff.

All the posts have passed through my mind at some point or other. Some posts have be inspired by other people or stories or parodied from but never plain copied.

This is my original work unless stated otherwise.