This was originally written quite some time ago but never made it off of paper onto the computer. Recently found while looking for some paperwork. The characters mentioned Aggie & Bettie and Dorf were always in different worlds in my mind. But this one brought them together, which with the nature of their worlds was always a possibility.
| Police Officer Charlie McGrew | Good evening ladies. I have a few questions for you on the incident you witnessed yesterday afternoon. |
| Aggie | Incident? |
| Bettie | He means the man we saw on top of the Mill House. |
| Aggie | Oh! That incident. It was terrible Charlie. I can call you that, can’t I? I don’t need to call you Officer McGrew now? I have known you since you were just a babe. |
| Bettie | Yes, and I delivered you. So I should be able to call you Charlie too. |
| Charlie | Yes, you can call me Charlie. |
| Aggie | Oh, that is good. It would seem odd calling you Officer McGrew when I have called you Charlie for so long. |
| Bettie | Or would you prefer Charles? Now you are all grown up. |
| Charlie | Charlie will do fine. Now can we get back to the incident and my report. |
| Aggie | Of course dear. Sorry you must be a busy policeman now. All those crimes to solve and everything. |
| Charlie | Actually this is the first this year. And I would like to make a start on it straight away. |
| Bettie | And so you should. We shouldn’t be keeping you either. You want to be out there gathering information from witnesses and such. |
| Charlie | That is why I am here. You are both witnesses. |
| Aggie | So we are. Would you like a cup of tea? |
| Charlie | Yes. Thank you. And I’ll begin with your statements. |
| Bettie | A good idea. I’ll help you with any spellings you are not sure of. Just like when you were small. |
| Charlie | My spelling is fine now. |
| Aggie | He’s got very clever you know Bettie. Would you like a scone? Freshly cooked this morning. |
| Charlie | Thank you. Right! Let’s start. |
| Aggie | Okay. |
| Bettie | Yes dear. Let’s |
| Charlie | Names? |
| Aggie | I think he was called Wigwam. |
| Bettie | No. I think it was Waggin. |
| Charlie | No, not his name. Your names. |
| Aggie | Well, what a silly question/ You know them, I’m Aggie and she’s Bettie. |
| Charlie | Yes, but I need your full names. |
| Bettie | Full names. Well this is official reporting stuff. |
| Aggie | Very official. I gotta think now. No one has asked me that in such a long time. |
| Charlie | You must know it? |
| Bettie | Of course she does. It just takes her a bit to remember. Mine is Elizabeth Amanda Rebecca Tipplewunkle. No, sorry, Tupplewinkle. |
| Charlie | Errm, thank you. Aggie, have you remembered now? |
| Aggie | Of course silly. Agatha Pricilla Upnik. And don’t you go telling anyone. |
| Bettie | Hehe, she never did like her last name. |
| Charlie | I know your address. Cherry Cottage, Barley Lane. |
| Aggie | That’s right. What a clever lad and written so neatly as well. |
| Bettie | Well he is a very good police officer. He’s been investigating. Looking into secret files and questioning the underworld until they cracked. |
| Charlie | Not quite. I’ve know your address since I was four. |
| Aggie | They do start their investigating young nowadays. |
| Bettie | And even before the case was open. What is the next question Charlie. Maybe we can help you with that one too. |
| Charlie | Age? |
| Aggie | Ah! |
| Bettie | Oh! |
| Charlie | Come on ladies. This is only for the files, I won’t tell anyone. |
| Aggie | I’m sure you wouldn’t believe me. |
| Bettie | I wouldn’t believe her, she’s always lying about her age. |
| Charlie | Of course I will believe you. I have know both of you all my life. |
| Aggie | You wouldn’t. Your great grandfather Thomas didn’t. |
| Charlie | Sorry? |
| Aggie | When we gave Thomas our ages he didn’t believe us either. He was a police officer too. |
| Bettie | His grand father believed us. But that was part of the problem. |
| Charlie | You knew my great grandfather and my great great great grandfather? |
| Aggie | Never mind, probably best to put 71. |
| Bettie | Oooo! You big fibber. I’ll be 69. I’ve always looked younger. |
| Charlie | Err, Okay. Aggie, can you tell me exactly what you saw from the moment you saw Mr Wiggan? |
| Aggie | You mean normal sight, don’t you? |
| Charlie | Errr… Yes. |
| Aggie | I thought you might. I made that mistake with young Thomas. |
| Bettie | She went on about all sorts of things. Poor Thomas couldn’t understand any of it. Was nearly an hour before she got to normal sight. And by then poor Thomas was very confused. He needed a drink by then. |
| Aggie | Yes, that was the first time I see him drink on duty. |
| Bettie | Not the last time, poor fellow. |
| Charlie | The incident? |
| Aggie | Oh yes. Well I will begin. Bettie and myself were standing outside our cottage talking to little Lisa when I noticed something out of the corner of my eye. It was a little robin red breast sitting in a tree. I then noticed beyond that Mr. Wiggan standing on top of the Mill House. He seemed to be flapping his arms about a bit. I thought he was waving at me, so I waved back. It was a strange sort of wave but he seemed a strange fellow. |
| Bettie | Very odd, if you ask me. |
| Aggie | Well he never. Charlie is asking me. Anyway he waved lots more then gave a smile and jumped. |
| Charlie | Are you sure he jumped? |
| Aggie | Oh definitely. He carried on waving as he jumped. A very strange thing to do. But as I said he seemed a strange fellow. |
| Bettie | I agree with Aggie completely. He definitely jumped. I would say the fellow behind him never gave him a push. He had nothing to do with it. |
| Aggie | Bettie! |
| Charlie | There was someone else on top of Mill House? |
| Aggie | Did I forget to mention that? Silly me. |
| Charlie | Yes you did. Bettie can you continue with the incident please? |
| Bettie | Well there was someone else on the roof. Though they did not push him. I think they were trying to get them to come down. |
| Charlie | Are you sure they didn’t push him. It would have been the easiest way to get him down. |
| Bettie | No! He would have never have done that. He was trying to stop him from flying. |
| Charlie | Flying? |
| Bettie | Yes. That was what all that arm flapping was for. Poor Mr. Wiggan was trying to fly. |
| Aggie | Of course. Silly me. I should have known that. |
| Charlie | I’m sure you did Aggie. |
| Aggie | Well, maybe I forgot. My age you see dear. |
| Bettie | So, there you are. Case solved. He flew to his death. |
| Aggie | Well, at least tried too. |
| Bettie | And the other fellow had nothing to do with it. |
| Aggie | Nothing at all. Just a case of death by lack of flight. |
| Charlie | Do you know who the other man was? |
| Aggie | Oh dear, I think I have forgotten. Old age you know. |
| Bettie | Yes, I seem to have forgotten too. This old age thing must be contagious. |
| Aggie | Oh it is. Have you noticed how everyone seems to be aging these days. Do you need help spelling contagious Charlie? |
| Charlie | Ladies please. Can you tell me who the other man was? |
| Aggie | Have another scone. |
| Charlie | The name? |
| Bettie | It’s just a buttered scone, no special name. |
| Charlie | No. The name of the other person on the roof. |
| Bettie | Persons. |
| Aggie | Bettie! |
| Charlie | Persons? |
| Bettie | Oh yes. Dorf wasn’t the only other person up there. |
| Charlie | Dorf? The new guy in town? |
| Aggie | Oh no. A completely different Dorf. From a far away land, and he’s gone back there now. |
| Charlie | Ladies! Perverting the course of justice is a criminal offence. The truth please or I’ll have to take you both down the station. |
| Bettie | Calm down Charlie. It’s a long time since we’ve been in the cells. I hear they’re a lot nicer these days. |
| Aggie | Yes, it was Dorf. But he had nothing to do with Mr Wiggan wanting to fly off the Mill House roof. |
| Bettie | Nope. That was all Mr Wiggan’s idea. Dorf was trying to talk him down. |
| Charlie | And the other person? |
| Aggie | <sigh> Well that was Mandy. Dorf’s girlfriend. |
| Bettie | And she had nothing to do with it either. I think. |
| Charlie | I think that will be all. I have enough for my report. |
| Aggie | Oh that’s good. Case closed, all tied up now. |
| Charlie | I don’t think so. People don’t just decided to fly off the top of buildings. |
| Bettie | I did say he was odd. |
| Aggie | And I said he was strange. |
| Bettie | Odd and strange. There’s a good reason to fly off a roof. |
| Charlie | I think I’ll type this up and go and speak with Dorf and Mandy. |
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