Identification
Larger than the typical red and grey squirrels. Light brown colouring. Often seen clutching a can of cider in its paws.

Habits
Enjoys drinking cider (perhaps a bit too much).
Has a penchant for throwing empty cans and acorns at unsuspecting passers-by. A true troublemaker!

Voice
High-pitched, squeaky voice. Speech is often slurred, accompanied by frequent “hics.” Sounds like a squirrel who’s had one too many ciders!

Habitat
Resides inside a tree conveniently located near an off-licence.
Generations of Pickled Squirrels happily cohabitate in the same tree, too lazy to move out unless they find a better off-licence and a nearby tree.

Diet
Survives on a diet of acorns and cider.

Breeding
Most Pickled Squirrels don’t remember ever breeding (perhaps due to their cider-induced haze).
Result: many fatherless young Pickled Squirrels – a mystery of squirrel lineage.

Movements and Migrations
The Pickled Squirrel relocates only if its local off-licence shuts down or a better, cheaper one opens up. Priorities, right?